A Bag of Nails
There are consequences
by Claire Law
Suitable for Key Stage 4/5
Aims
To reflect upon the consequences of our actions and words.
Preparation and materials
- You will need a small hammer, piece of wood and some nails in a transparent bag. You will also need a student or a member of staff to demonstrate hammering in a nail and extracting the nail from the wood.
Assembly
- Explain that you are going to tell the students a story. The story is about a young person who had some issues with lashing out in anger. The story also involves a bag of nails (hold up the bag of nails), a hammer (hold up the hammer) and a wooden fence, symbolised here by this piece of wood (hold up the wood).
- As you begin, invite the pre-arrranged student or staff memebr to demonstrate.
- Story
Once upon a time there was a child who had a bad temper. This child would get angry easily and when they felt anger, they would often lash out at others. They felt overwhelmed with feelings of anger and resentment. They would use hurtful words, or hurt people physically. They did a good job of making sure everyone around them could see their anger.
This child’s parent wanted to help them and so, rather than giving a big lecture, or telling them off, the parent set their child a challenge. The parent gave the child a bag of nails (invite your assistant to hold up the bag of nails) and a hammer (ask assistant to hold up the hammer) and suggested that every time they lost their temper, they should head outside and hammer a nail in the fence.
The first day, the child drove lots of nails into the fence.
(Have assistant hammer 5 nails into the fence – one for each of the bullet points below).
1- The child spoke harshly to a family member when things didn’t go their way, so that was one nail .
2- The child threw their console controller to the ground when they lost a game, so that was another nail.
3- The child told their sibling they hated them and pushed them aggressively when their sibling expressed disappointment that the controller was now broken, another nail.
4- The child ignored and was hostile to friends at school because they were now in a bad mood, so that was another nail.
5- The child refused to listen in class, and swore at the teacher when homework was set, so sadly, another nail. - By the end of the first day the child had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. They discovered it was easier to hold their temper than to drive those nails into the fence! Finally, the first day came when the child didn't lose their temper at all. They still felt disappointment and anger, but were able to avoid taking that anger out on others. The child proudly went to their parent to declare they had succeeded at the challenge.
However, the parent wasn’t done yet! They suggested that their child now pull out one nail for each day that they were able to hold their temper. The child accepted the challenge! The days passed and each time, the child recognised how they were able to feel angry without acting it out, they headed to the fence and pulled a nail out.
(Have assistant pull out each of the 5 nails–one for each of the bullet points below).
1- On one occasion, the child was angry that their team had lost the football match but they were able to acknowledge their disappointment, and tell themselves they would give efforts to training and football practice, rather than blaming the other team members.
2- Another time, their sibling was being annoying, but rather than push, shove or insult them, they moved to another room to have a bit of breathing space.
3- At school when they felt irritated by yet another piece of homework, they reminded themselves that they could ask for an extension if it felt like there was too much work to do in the timeframe given.
4- With friends, when the child felt fed up about something that had happened at home, they told their friends why they were in a bad mood and could their friends cut them some slack.
5- When a demand or chore at home interfered with games console time, they reminded themselves that although they were irritated by the chores, contributing to the household in some way was part of family life. - Finally, once all the nails were out of the fence, the child really felt they now had a handle on their anger issue. They felt calmer in themselves and more able to feel anger without acting it out and hurting others. They went to their parent to share this good news.
‘You have done well, my child,’ said their parent. ‘But look closely, look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one, no matter how many times you say, 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there.’
Your assistant can hold the piece of wood up to show the holes. Thank them for their help and invite them to leave the wood at the front, and to take their seat again.
Time for reflection
Ask the students what they understand form the story.
Listen to a range of responses or encourage them to discuss in small groups.
Explain that the story is a retelling of a well-known Buddhist parable, that helps us to understand that our words and actions have consequences. When we act out our feelings without taking responsibility for them and for ourselves, it can cause harm. We can say sorry, which can go some way to helping to rebuild relationship; but our actions can and do have consequences upon our relationships.
In some ways, this parable echoes an idea we find in the Bible, in the book of Galatians 6:7-8 we read:
'What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others - ignoring God! - harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.'
This passage, like the Buddhist story of the nails and the fence, speaks about consequences. When we recognise that our actions and our words have consequences and take this seriously, we can be better at choosing to act and speak in ways that help and support, rather than hurt and destroy.
Let’s take a few moments of silence to think about ourselves, our relationships and ways in which we can avoid hurting or leaving a scar in the fence between ourselves and others.
Let’s bow our head and inwardly reflect on these three questions:
How have I hurt or damaged my relationship with others over this past week?
Pause to allow time for reflection.
What have I learnt about the consequences of my words and actions on others?
Pause to allow time for reflection.
What do I want to do differently in the coming week, as a result of this learning?
Pause to allow time for reflection.
Prayer:
Dear God,
We remember that we are human.
We feel anger, disappointment and frustration.
Without care and attention, we can lash out and hurt others with our words and our actions.
With practice and with intentionality, we can choose to take ownership of our anger so that we don’t hurt others.
Help us to remember that actions have consequences.
Help us to say sorry when we hurt others.
Help us also to take care when we are angry so that we minimise the hurt we cause. Help us to find helpful ways to notice and process our anger without hurting other people.
Amen
