Tackling Self Sabotage
Loving ourselves and others
by Claire Law
Suitable for Whole School (Sec)
Aims
To consider some of the reasons behind self-sabotage and to reflect upon how self-compassion and self-kindness can help us to move forward.
Preparation and materials
- You will need the PowerPoint slides accompanying this assembly (Tackling Self Sabotage) and the means to display them.
- You will need the YouTube clip ‘The Simpsons: Homer Alone’ and the means to show this. This can be found at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVMisOiCJzE
Assembly
- Show Slide 1. Welcome to the assembly.
- Show Slide 2.
Ask the question: Can you relate to this?
Homer Simpson is well known for undermining his own success. Try as he might to live a healthy lifestyle, he inevitably finds himself vegging on the sofa with a can of Duff and a dozen doughnuts for company. Homer is a character who always means well. However, all too often he struggles with self-discipline and self-direction. In this graphic, we see a play on the words of the Nike logo ‘just do it’. Homer is someone with the opposite approach to life; rather than being self-motivated, he benefits from the help of others in his life, particularly his wife Marge. When Homer is left alone, he has a goal in mind that he’ll enjoy himself and the freedom to do his own thing. And yet, it doesn’t end well, as we can see from this short clip.
Show the YouTube clip ‘The Simpsons: Homer Alone’:. - We could say that Homer is not someone with a D.I.Y. attitude to life – a ‘do it yourself’ attitude. He adopts more of a ‘Marge will do it’ approach. Whilst he means well and has good intentions, he doesn’t always follow through on what he needs to do to make his goals happen.
- Let’s think about ourselves.
To what extent are we self-motivated? Are we people who take self-responsibility and can exercise self-discipline. Perhaps we are great at setting ourselves goals and then following through and sticking to them. If so, that’s great! However, it may be that deep down we are a bit like Homer.
Many of us will have set ourselves a well-intentioned New Year’s resolution back in January, but then found that we are undermining our goal, finding ways to cheat on or sabotage our resolutions. Perhaps like Homer, we tell ourselves that ‘we will start tomorrow’.
We can call this approach self-sabotaging behaviour. Self-sabotaging is having a goal in mind but then failing to follow through on it. Self-sabotage is when people do (or don't do) things that block their success or prevent them from accomplishing their goals.
Time for reflection
Let’s consider to what extent we find ourselves getting stuck in self-sabotage.
Common ways that we can self-sabotage include:
- Putting off starting revision by gaming or distracting ourselves.
- Avoiding friends and family and isolating ourselves.
- Avoiding simple self-care activities, such as eating healthily and regularly.
- Using alcohol or drugs to escape responsibilities and stresses.
- Giving up on something when it starts to become challenging.
- Speaking negatively to ourselves – telling ourselves that we’re never going to achieve what we want, so why even try?
Psychology tells us there are lots of complex reasons why we might self-sabotage. These can include having poor self-esteem, fear of failure or even fear of success.
Recognising when and how we might be self-sabotaging is the first step in doing something about the ways we may undermine or damage ourselves.
Once we have recognised that we may be self-sabotaging, we can begin to be kind and forgiving towards ourselves by practising self-compassion. It has been shown that self-compassion can help us to get out of the cycle of avoiding and putting things off. That’s because self-compassion, being kind towards ourselves, helps us to be less self-critical and to feel more confident and resilient, so we are less likely to fear failure.
Most religious traditions include some element of self-discipline. Religious practices such as regular prayer, fasting or reading scripture can help us to feel positive and optimistic about ourselves. Being kind and caring to others can also help us to feel positive about ourselves. Indeed, Jesus taught his followers to ‘love your neighbour as you love yourself’. Christians believe that taking care of ourselves and working towards positive goals can be a way to love ourselves. We can be kind to ourselves as well as being loving, encouraging, caring and kind to others. When we live by this teaching of Jesus, then we can let go of self-critical talk such as ‘what’s the point’, or ‘I’m useless’ or ‘there’s no point in trying’.
As we reflect on this theme of self-sabotage let’s consider a number of questions:
To what extent are you someone who means well, but who doesn’t always follow through to make your goals happen?
Pause to allow time for reflection.
When was the last time you spoke to yourself in a way that was not encouraging, with phrases like ‘I’m never going to achieve that, so why even try?’ or ‘I’m no good at….’
Pause to allow time for reflection.
When was the last time you were kind, forgiving and self-compassionate towards yourself?
Pause to allow time for reflection.
What do feel in response to Jesus’ words to ‘love your neighbour as you love yourself?’
Pause to allow time for reflection.
Prayer:
Dear Lord,
We often mean well and have good intentions but can easily slip into behaviours and thinking patterns that are unhelpful.
Fear can keep us stuck or stop us from acting in ways that are kind and loving towards ourselves.
Please help us be aware of when we may be self-sabotaging.
Help us to connect with a sense of self-discipline, and to believe that we can make a positive difference to ourselves and others.
Help us to be courageous in setting and then working to positive goals.
Amen.
