Sorry Not Sorry
Yom Kippur begins on Friday 11 October 2024
by Claire Law
Suitable for Whole School (Sec)
Aims
To reflect on the difference between polite apologies without remorse, and genuine, heartfelt apologies.
Preparation and materials
- Have available the audio of the radio edit of the song ‘Sorry not sorry’ by Demi Lovato and the means to play it at the beginning of the assembly. It is 3.23 minutes long and is available at: https://youtu.be/0NYLzP7gbnM
Note: this is the radio edit, so the song has been censored for inappropriate language. - Have available the BBC Creative video ‘Sorry Not Sorry’ and the means to show it during the assembly. It is 1.51 minutes long and is available at: https://www.bbccreative.co.uk/project/sorry-not-sorry/
Assembly
- As the students enter, play the radio edit of the song ‘Sorry not sorry’ by Demi Lovato (3.23 minutes long).
Ask the students, ‘Who can name the track that was playing just now?’
Listen to a range of responses.
Reveal that the answer is ‘Sorry not sorry’ by Demi Lovato. - Explain that during today’s assembly, we are going to think about how often we say sorry, and whether we really mean it when we say it.
The British are known for their love of saying sorry. In fact, research has revealed that the average British person says sorry around eight times a day, and that one in eight people apologize up to 20 times a day. I wonder when you last said sorry . . . and whether you meant it.
- The idea that we find ourselves saying sorry out of politeness, even when we don’t really mean it, is the theme of the Demi Lovato track. Her song subverts that British tradition of saying sorry.
The song was inspired by her experience of being bullied as a child. She expresses that she is proud of what she has achieved in life, despite the bullying. She isn’t sorry that she’s been so successful, and the lyrics make that clear. She is not going to apologize for who she is. - Back in 2017, this idea of ‘sorry not sorry’ was also the theme of a season of programming on BBC Three.
Let’s watch a video that explains more.
Show the BBC Creative video ‘Sorry Not Sorry’ (1.51 minutes long). - Sometimes in life, we might feel pressured into apologizing when we don’t feel sorry at all.
In situations like these, our apology is not genuine or heartfelt. Instead, we feel unapologetic. Like the people we’ve just seen in the video, we might decide that we’re not going to apologize for who we are, what we believe or how we look. Saying sorry when we don’t mean it can devalue the word. - Sometimes, we might feel genuine remorse: sorry without the ‘not sorry’. We’ve all probably felt that in our lives – perhaps this week, perhaps even today. An authentic apology where we say, ‘I’m sorry for what I did, and I won’t do it again,’ can follow from that authentic sense of remorse.
Such an apology names what we did wrong. It shows that we are sorry for what we did and indicates what might be different in the future. A genuine apology includes the feeling of being truly remorseful. - In many world religions, the idea of being genuinely sorry is an important concept.
Christians value confessing their sins to God, and they believe that when we feel and express genuine remorse, God forgives our sins. Prayer can be a way for Christians to express their sense of sorrow for the mistakes they’ve made – to confess their sins - and the ways in which they’ve acted that have caused hurt. - The idea of heartfelt remorse is a crucial part of Judaism too.
The most important date in the Jewish calendar is the feast of Yom Kippur, which is also known as the Day of Atonement. This year, Yom Kippur begins at sundown on Friday 11 October and ends at nightfall the next day. During this time, Jews will ask God’s forgiveness for any sins that they’ve committed during the past year. They do not usually work or go to school during this time, and they also fast. This is a sign that the day, and being truly remorseful, is important to Jews. The sorry needs to be genuine, not a case of ‘sorry not sorry’.
Time for reflection
Let’s reflect on the difference between ‘sorry not sorry’ and a genuine sense of remorse.
What is it that we are unapologetic for?
Pause to allow time for thought.
What do we feel a genuine sense of remorse for?
This could be something from a long time ago, or more recently. Something we said that we regret, because we know that it caused others pain. Something we did that we are genuinely sorry for. Something we thought, that we recognize as hurtful, mean or unkind.
Let’s take time to call these things to mind.
Pause to allow time for thought.
We’ve seen how important admitting our sins is to both Christians and Jews. For them, it is the path to forgiveness.
I’d like to invite you to consider what you believe about the role of confessing our wrongdoings. Does it matter to you? If so, what actions do you want to take?
Pause to allow time for thought.
Let’s take time to bring our thoughts together in prayer.
Prayer
Dear God,
Sometimes, people want us to apologize for who we are, what we believe and how we act.
Our conscience helps us to work out whether we are genuinely sorry, or whether we are unapologetic.
We pray for wisdom in recognizing when we are remorseful, when we are genuinely sorry.
Help us to listen to our conscience and focus on what is loving and kind.
We bring our reflections about the things that we’ve thought, said and done that have hurt others and for which we feel real remorse.
We thank you that you are always ready to forgive when we are genuinely sorry for our mistakes.
Amen.
Song/music
‘Sorry not sorry’ by Demi Lovato, available at: https://youtu.be/0NYLzP7gbnM (3.23 minutes long)
Note: this is the radio edit, so the song has been censored for inappropriate language.
