The Language of Love
Showing love to our friends
by Claire Law
Suitable for Whole School (Sec)
Aims
To consider different love languages and how these are expressed within friendship.
Preparation and materials
- You will need the PowerPoint slides that accompany this assembly (The Language of Love) and the means to display them.
Assembly
- Have Slide 1 showing as the students enter.
- Show Slide 2.
I want to say hello to you! Can you guess the language of each of these hellos?
Click through the slide to reveal each of the hellos in turn.
For each one, ask the students which language the hello is in.
- Kon’nichiwa is Japanese.
- Hola is Spanish.
- Ciao is Italian.
- Merhaba is Turkish.
- A hand wave is the sign for hello in British Sign Language (BSL). - Today, I’d like us to think about the language of friendship. How do we communicate that we are friends with our friends?
- How do we know that a friend is a friend?
- How do we know that our friends value us as friends?
- How do we know if our friends like being our friend?
- How do we show our friends that we are their friend? - To express how we feel, we need a language. One way of thinking about how we communicate that we are friends with someone is through something known as ‘love languages’.
Show Slide 3.
This idea was first put forward in a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In it, the author argues that there are several ways in which we can show love to others, including within friendship. He categorizes each of these ways as a ‘love language’.
Let’s look at how love languages might apply to friendship. Which of the five languages is our preferred way of showing that we value our friendship with someone? - Show Slide 4.
Do you send memes? Bring coffee? Lend books? Share your fries? Get your friends a birthday present? All of these are ways in which you show that you’re a friend by giving some sort of gift. - Show Slide 5.
Do you offer hugs? Do you sling your arm around your friend’s shoulder when you’re walking along together? Are you someone who likes to snuggle up close to your friends on the sofa? All of these are ways in which you show that you’re a friend through physical touch. - Show Slide 6.
Do you like to chill with your friends - not necessarily doing much, just spending time together? Would you wait for them if they had a detention so that you could still walk home together? You can show that you’re a friend by sharing quality time together. - Show Slide 7.
Do you offer to help when you spot that your friend is struggling in some way? Do you help them with their homework? Do you give them advice? Would you lend a hand if they had to do a chore while you were with them? All of these are ways in which you show that you’re a friend through acts of service, or offering practical help. - Show Slide 8.
Do you like to write cards or send voice notes that express how you feel about your friend? Perhaps you like to tell them face to face? You can show that you’re a friend by offering compliments. - Do any of these languages match how you prefer to communicate with your friends? Most people have one or two preferred love languages. How do you like your friends to show that they value you? That might help you to work out which love language you prefer. Most of us like to receive love in the way that we show love.
Time for reflection
I’d like to suggest that there is another love language in friendship.
Show Slide 9.
Kenosis comes from the Ancient Greek word for ‘empty out’. It is used in a Bible passage to mean ‘self-emptying love’, describing the love that Jesus showed to humans.
Show Slide 10.
In Philippians 2.7, we read, ‘Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.’
Here, the word kenosis denotes that Jesus emptied himself to become human – a human who gets tired, hungry and achy, and who dies. For Christians, this is an act of love: Jesus shows how much he loves us by emptying himself to become human. Christians see Jesus as someone who calls us a friend. In John’s Gospel, Jesus says, ‘I have called you friends.’ (John 15.15)
It isn’t possible for us to practise the kind of kenosis that Jesus did: he came from heaven to live on earth as a human. However, we can show love for others that puts them before ourselves. We can opt to lay our own needs aside sometimes so that we can help someone else.
Let’s consider some examples of kenosis in friendship.
- Sharing our fries because our friend is low on cash that day.
- Letting our friend decide which film to watch because we know that they’re going to love it, even if it’s not our thing.
- Spending time cheering up a friend after a break-up, even though we have things to do.
Let’s take some time now to reflect on some of these themes. I’d like to offer you some questions to consider privately.
- How do you like to show that you are a friend?
Pause to allow time for thought.
- What do you make of the idea of kenosis?
Pause to allow time for thought.
- Is it important to you to go the extra mile in friendship sometimes?
Pause to allow time for thought.
- How have you felt when a friend has gone out of their way to help you?
Pause to allow time for thought.
- How do you feel about the Christian belief of Jesus wanting friendship with you?
Prayer
Dear Lord,
Thank you for friendship.
Thank you for the chance to be a friend and have friends.
Today, we’ve considered how we show that we value our friends.
Please help us to find ways to do so this week – ways that feel comfortable for us.
We’ve also considered what the Bible says about Jesus’ friendship towards us – including how Jesus became human to help us see what love is like.
Please help us to consider what this means to us.
Amen.
Song/music
‘Reckless love’ by Cory Asbury, available at: https://youtu.be/Sc6SSHuZvQE (5.32 minutes long)
