Hurtful Words
We should think about the things that we say
by Helen Bryant
Suitable for Key Stage 4/5
Aims
To consider how our words can wound, even if we don’t mean them to.
Preparation and materials
- None required.
Assembly
- ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ I wonder how many of us have been told this – once or many times.
It is a children’s rhyme, originally from the nineteenth century. It was used to persuade children who were victims of name-calling to try to ignore what had been said, walk away and remain calm and good-natured rather than retaliate in any other way.
However, it got me thinking about the second part of the rhyme: ‘but words will never hurt me’. Can that be true? I’m not sure. What do you think? - Think about the best thing that anyone has ever said to you. Can you recall it easily?
Now think of the worst thing that anyone has ever said.
Which was the easiest to recall? It wouldn’t surprise me if it was the latter – the words did hurt, they wounded you.
It is possible that those unkind words chimed with something about yourself that you didn’t like, or built on something that had been said before and had hurt you in the past. Having someone say them could have added to your internal monologue and confirmed the worst things that you believed about yourself. - Our words carry enormous weight. They can stay with people for years, damaging their self-esteem.
Using hurtful words is a bit like dropping a glass. Once we’ve dropped it, we can’t stop it, and there isn’t much we can do about the resulting mess. The best outcome might be cleaning up the broken pieces, but we can never put the glass back together again. - I wonder whether any of us have ever considered how our words might hurt someone, even if we didn’t mean them to. Often, what we regard as fun can be a source of hurt for someone else. The way we respond to someone when we are tired, hungry or upset might have a greater impact on them than we imagine.
If we say something to someone face to face, it can be easier to gauge how the person feels. What if we’re saying something and the person doesn’t react much, though? They might be putting a brave face on it, or we might think that we’re just ‘having a laugh’. However, the person we’re speaking to may not realize that we didn’t mean it and may end up taking those words to heart and worrying about them. - The same goes for messages on social media, except in those cases, we can’t always see the person. We don’t know whether our DM has caused offence, or whether the comment we made on a photo has upset someone, because we can’t see the person’s reaction. It’s so easy to write something and send it, partly because we aren’t face to face with the person we’ve sent it to.
- So, here’s a little tip (and this goes for adults too). Before we say what’s going through our head, or send a message, let’s think about what we’re saying and ask ourselves a couple of questions.
– Is it kind?
– Would I want to receive that?
By putting ourselves on the receiving end, we can consider whether our message might do more harm than good. Maybe it isn’t necessary.
If the answer to both of our questions is yes, let’s go ahead: positive affirmations and words are also really powerful, but in a good way.
However, if the answer to both of our questions is no, let’s not say it or send it – that’s obvious. And if the answer to one of our questions is no, we need to have a serious think about it.
Time for reflection
So, we now understand that we should take some time to reflect before we speak or send a message. It is so easy to say or do things in the heat of the moment, or with little thought, that can then take time to recover from.
All we need to do is take a breath and consider those two questions: ‘Is it kind?’ and ‘Would I want to receive that?’ If we can do this, we might just save ourselves and others a lot of heartache.
Maybe the saying should be, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will often hurt me.’
Maybe we know that we’ve hurt someone by our words and messages, and we need to apologize. Are we brave enough to say sorry when we need to?
Prayer
Dear God,
Please help us to think about the feelings of other people.
Please help us to think about our words and our messages.
We are sorry for the times when our words have hurt people,
For the times when we have spoken without thought.
Please help us to forgive those who have hurt us.
Amen.
Song/music
‘Getting on with life’ by Philippa Hanna, available at: https://youtu.be/IOv5yhxJ1I0 (4.14 minutes long)
