Hurtful Words
We need to think about the things that we say
by Helen Bryant
Suitable for Whole School (Sec)
Aims
To consider how our words can wound, even if we don’t mean them to.
Preparation and materials
- None required.
Assembly
- ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.’ I wonder how many of us have heard this saying.
It is thought to date from the nineteenth century, and was said in order to show that people could not be hurt by unpleasant things that were said to them. If you were a victim of name-calling, the idea was to try to ignore what had been said, walk away and remain calm rather than retaliating.
However, I wonder if any of us really think that the statement ‘words can never hurt me’ is accurate. I think that most of us would disagree! - Think about the best thing that anyone has ever said to you. Can you recall it easily?
Now think of the worst thing that anyone has ever said to you. Which was easier to recall? For most of us, it is probably the words that wounded us that are the easiest to recall.
It is possible that the hurtful words fed in to something that we didn’t really like about ourselves. Having someone say them could easily have added to our internal monologue and confirmed our worst thoughts. - Our words carry enormous weight. Unkind words can stay with people for years and damage their self-esteem.
Speaking thoughtlessly is a bit like dropping a glass. We can’t stop it after it has happened, and we can’t do much about the mess that occurs afterwards. The best that we might be able to do is to clear up the broken pieces, but we can never put the glass back together again. - I wonder if we’ve ever really considered how our words might damage someone, even if we didn’t mean them to. Often, what we might regard as fun can be a source of hurt for someone else. The way in which we respond to someone when we are tired, hungry or upset might have a greater effect on them than we imagine.
If we speak to someone face to face, it’s usually easy to gauge how they feel about a comment. What if we say something and the person doesn’t react much, though? They might be putting a brave face on it. What if we say something as a joke, but the other person doesn’t realize that we didn’t mean it and ends up taking those words to heart? - The same goes for messaging and social media. We can’t know whether our message or comment has upset someone because we can’t see the person’s reaction. With online messaging, it can often feel easier to write something and send it precisely because we are not face to face with the person it’s aimed at.
Time for reflection
We’ve been reminded of the importance of taking some time to think before we speak.
It’s easy to say something in the heat of the moment that takes time to recover from.
Let’s try to put ourselves on the receiving end of what we are going to say. Is the message necessary? Will it do more harm than good?
Let’s remember that positive affirmations and words are also powerful, but in a good way. If we have doubts about sending a message or speaking certain words, we need to stop and think seriously. So, let’s learn to pause, take a breath and consider two questions before we speak.
– Is our sentiment kind?
– Would we want to have those things said about us?
By doing this, we might save ourselves and others a lot of heartache. Maybe the saying should be, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can often hurt me.’
Song/music
‘Getting on with life’ by Philippa Hanna, available at: https://youtu.be/IOv5yhxJ1I0 (4.14 minutes long)
